Friday, March 31, 2006

Random bullet points of crappy crap

  • I'm still sick and I still have no voice. This really sucks. On the bright side, I did an amazing job of running my classes yesterday entirely through handouts and small group work. This makes me think I could, after all, design a decent DL class. Maybe I'll do that next summer.
  • The group blog CatchingFlies, to which I only ever contributed two posts -- because I suck -- is now no more. I'm not even going to bother to link to it because BP didn't just post a farewell and stop posting, but gave up the URL (because, being a Typepad group blog, it cost money). Word to the wise: don't do this if you can help it. If you stop your blog or want to wipe it from memory, just delete the incrimating posts, but keep the blog active. Why? Because spammers take over the old URL if you relinquish it. CatchingFlies is now full of drug spam. Since so many of us are anonymous, I guess it doesn't matter that our "names" can later be associated with crap, but it still bugs me.
  • Most of you don't know this, but my mom has been in the hospital twice more since the first time over Christmas. She's now in rehab and we've been making arrangements for her to move into assisted living. (Or actually, Virgo Sis and Fast Fizzy have been making the arrangements.) Mom decided that's what she wants and it's also what she really needs. Dad can't take care of her because he's a) demented and addled, and b) a selfish sonuvabitch who does things like his own laundry, but not Mom's, and then claims he's "doing all the work" and "taking care of things."
  • Oh but wait, there's more. Now Dad's balking at the cost of assisted living. And by balking I don't mean "worrying about it because it's expensive and they're financially strapped," but "being a selfish shit and screaming and yelling at the cost and, for the moment anyway, refusing to pay for it despite the fact that he's sitting on plenty of assets even before you get to the non-liquid stuff like the house." In other words, he has the money, but he doesn't want to spend it. On Mom. Because he's an asshole.
  • Don't believe that my dad is an asshole? Here's a choice Dad quote of late: "I hope you kids inherited my healthy genes and not hers. I should've had her checked out before I married her." What an asshole.
  • My sister Ms. V would have been 51 today. Maybe it's a good thing she didn't live to have to deal with this crap.
  • Tomorrow's eldest niece's birthday. She's Ms. V's daughter. Her birthday is forever linked with her mom's. Because I probably still won't have much of a voice tomorrow, I can't call her.
  • Because I haven't had a voice for half of the week, I haven't been able to call Mom, and I know she's lonely.
  • Because I don't have a voice, I can't call and yell at my selfish rat-bastard of a father.
  • And now I have to write a thank-you note for the birthday check Dad sent me only after Virgo Sis reminded him (well, he is in early stages of dementia, so I guess I can't really be mad about that). But still, I'm not feeling very thankful or filial right now.
Edited to add: It's really Virgo Sis who is dealing with this head-on right now. But she's so upset that it made me upset, especially since I can't call anyone, including her. So voila -- a blog vent! These things are so damn useful! Oh, and I still haven't written that bloody thank-you note.


~profgrrrrl~ said...

Oh, gosh. Sorry you're dealing with so much crap and hope you start feeling better soon.

Was your dad always this way? Or has it magnified with the dementia? I've had family members with alzheimers and they've got rather nasty as the disease began (it all makes sense now, looking back, but at the time we were all wondering what the hell happened to our sweet loving grandma).

Hope you at least have a nice weekend.

Marcelle Proust said...

De-lurking to say sorry, sorry, sorry. My dad doesn't even have the excuse of dementia, & yet I know just what you mean. Helpful siblings are something, though.

Bardiac said...


I'm sorry you have to deal with all this.

We should all mysteriously call your niece and sing happy birthday to her, and then blame it on you!

Another Damned Medievalist said...

Yuck. But the others are right, part of it might be the dementia. Not that parents can't be rat bastards. Mine certainly have been on occasion.

Heo said...

Ugh, had to teach for a week with no voice last year ... ugh. Sorry about that.

And I'm also REALLY sorry about all the family stuff. (HUGS)

Dr. Virago said...

Thanks everybody. And yes, actually, my dad has always been an asshole, but now it's even WORSE. But I should add (and I think I'll do this in the main post) that it's really Virgo Sis who had to deal with this latest bit of Dad's assholishness. I got a pre-view of it when I was home over spring break (before Mom went into the hospital the third time) and it was bad, but Virgo Sis is trying to get him to write checks, so it's even worse now. In fact, she's been dealing with the biggest portion of the stress in general. I just feel so f'ing helpless because I can't even call anyone!

Ancrene Wiseass said...

Oh, Dr. V., I'm so sorry. What a nightmare.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to read about this. Family crap like this is such a nightmare (and it's my own nightmare, too, b/c it's what I'll probably be dealing with fairly soon, and unfortunately I don't have a Virgo Sis who can deal with it - I have a Gemini Sis who's awesome, but no more prepared than I am to cope with such stuf...). Anyway, I hope you feel better soon, and that your voice comes back and you can talk to your niece and talk to your mom and yell at your dad!

Anonymous said...

Just so that the blogosphere knows, Fast Fizzy has dealt with a lot of this, too, and Dr. Virago has done her part.

We are united in adversity!

And you are never prepared to cope with this. As a Baby Boomer I have lots of company, and we can commiserate, but it doesn't make it easier to handle, especially because I am an emotional mush. (Read that as moosh).

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear all of this, which is indeed crappy crap. I'm glad your mom will be in an assisted living facility where she'll be taken care of, but obviously there are more than a few hurdles to leap in the meantime.

I have no idea about this, but I wonder if it would be possible to convince your dad that one or more of you and your siblings should be put on the bank account. Or wait, isn't your mom on the bank accounts? So could she either write a check herself or put one of you on the account?

Dr. Virago said...

WN - I was just talking to my sister about this. Yes, Mom could write the checks, for now, but we still have to get Dad on board, and we have to make arrangements for the "what if Mom can't write her own checks" scenario. Plus, Dad controls the stuff that's not as liquid as the checking account, so even though my brother is also on the account, there's only so much in the checking account. In the end, whatever we do, Dad still pulls most of the strings, which is why we may have to seek legal help if we can't convince him.