Monday, August 25, 2008

NO! I'm NOT ready!

I'm not ready for the school year to start. I mean, I am in some ways -- syllabuses and handouts are mostly made -- but I'm just not in the spirit yet. I'm in some kind of funk. I'm sure it will be better once my classes start tomorrow, but right now I'm filled with some kind of bizarre combination of first-day anxiety and yet also ennui. For one thing, you'd think I'd be on campus to be around for the new and returning grad students, but I'm hiding at home. I'm working on non-teaching things, and Mondays are going to be my dday at home this semester, so I'm trying to establish a routine, but I really do feel like I'm hiding. Granted, I was on campus 9-5 M-F all last week, but still, shouldn't I be there today? But I can't bring myself to get in the teaching mode.

Case in point: I'm teaching in our weird satellite campus in BFE (OK, technically it's only 2 miles away, but it seems far) that used to be a CC that we swallowed up at some point in the past, and I haven't even bothered to go check out the classroom. I haven't been there since 2005, and I'm not even sure I remember what street it's on! And I teach tomorrow!

See, I told you I'm not ready.

What's up with this? I like teaching, "Back to School" is my favorite season of the year. Why do I feel so weird this year?


What Now? said...

It wouldn't surprise me if you'll have to renegotiate your relationship with various parts of your job in this new post-tenure phase. Maybe the odd feelings about back to school are part of that?

Anyway, have a good day tomorrow!

Sue said...

My guess is that you feel weird because you're in a different relationship to the school: you are a fully-vested member, and so "back to school" has become a kind of life sentence. This is a part of tenure that doesn't get talked about much, and it's not the whole story. It will come and go, and eventually sort itself out. Good luck!

TheCrankyProfessor said...

And you are no longer subjected to the scopic regime that is the Tenure Track!!

Renaissance Girl said...

amen. amen. i think it's because this summer was 3 days long. (wasn't it?)

MommyProf said...

I was the same way. I think maybe because I never really felt like I got a full break over the summer?

Delaney Kirk said...

I'm feeling a little like this also except the difference is I'm teaching tonight! However, I've found that once I hit that classroom, I switch into "on" and teaching mode is booted up. Guess this is a function of having taught many, many years...Have a great semester!