Sorry for not having posted in over a week. Bullock and I have both been in one of those states where you find yourself having a hard time motivating to work or do much of anything, but you feel too guilty not to work or get other things accomplished, and so then you deprive yourself of the things you think distract you from the work and household tasks -- like the internet -- but you *still* don't get anything done because the root problem is something other than having things distract you. And so then you feel worse because you still aren't getting back in the swing of things, but you're also not giving yourself your usual leisure activities.
You know what I mean? It's bad enough when you live by yourself and it happens, but when it's two of you going through the same vicious cycle, the other person's presence and guilt -- usually vocalized, at least in both our cases -- just makes you more anxious about your own guilt cycle.
Bullock is now trying to snap himself out of it by working in his shop. I am blogging the problem. And then I'm going to clean my wreck of an office to feel like I've accomplished *something* this week.
I know it's Sunday, btw. But I didn't work on Tuesday because I'd had a bout of insomnia the night before, so I'm making myself make up the lost time. Except that I'm not getting much done. This is f'ed up, isn't it? I should cut myself some slack, right? But I'm all stressed out about the fact that I have all of the following due in July and August:
- A conference paper
- MS research in the UK that I have to accomplish in a timely manner (which means being really, really prepared to do it)
- An article (drafted, but needs much work)
- A book review
- A PhD defense
- An MA defense
- Countless little grad-director tasks
You can feel the anxiety oozing from this post, can't you? God, even my personal life feels like an untackled to-do list right now. What do I need to calm the frak down and get back in the swing of things? Chamomile tea? A 10-mile run? (Yeah, like I'm in shape for that right now -- another source of anxiety is the fact that in the last 6 months I've run as many miles as I used to run in a single week!) A short-break holiday?
And is this somehow related to post-tenure depression? Does Bullock's similar state have something to do with the fact that he's got a year's sabbatical in front of him?
All advice and anecdotes welcome!